Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
