so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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