Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Thank you for not boning my boss.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Randomize
