I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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