she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
Life is so much better after having sex.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Randomize
