even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
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