it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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