I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
