So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
