Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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