I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
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