my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize