The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
My ATM looks so different sober.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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