i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
