Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
