I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
