Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
