sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
