having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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