i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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