I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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