Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Help. Why am I so naked?
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