the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
