you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
