Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
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