Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
