i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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