just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
How does one acquire holy water?
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
