I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Randomize
