He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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