it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
