The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
