Jerry, you need to find god
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
