Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
