True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I'm bleeding and have questions
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
