Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Randomize
