you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
