I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
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