it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
