I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
