There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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