i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Randomize
