Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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