I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
