If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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