there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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