My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Randomize
