and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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