when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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