so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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