What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
