They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize
