I'm going to jail i love you
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I love how my cats smell like pot.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Someone shattered a urinal.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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