why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Randomize
