I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
