I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize