if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
