The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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