He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
